Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

  1. Sparkle Like a Diamond

    February 17, 2013 by The Squishy Monster

    I’ve been going through some personal things as of late, but I’m so blessed to remember that I have such an incredible support system that loves me for me, no matter what.

    I wanted to take this time to thank my remarkable family and friends because without you, I’d be one sad and lost Squishy Monster. I love you guys!!!!!!

    The way I see it, sadness can be like your pair of old, ratty sweatpants. It can be a rather comforting and familiar companion but you can’t go through life as a fused pair forever. Ultimately, there are appointments that need to be met or job interviews and weddings where they just aren’t invited. If you allow it, melancholy man can suffocate or consume you and I know for me, I struggle with the exquisitely excruciating pain that it lends. It’s just so damn comfortable to just loaf in those sweatpants when life knocks you down. It’s just easier to wallow, but it’s certainly not better. It’s most difficult for me to understand that the world is as filled with those that are just as miserly, greedy, mean or narrow as it is with those who are sunny, selfless and courteous.

    I met one of my best friends parents for the first time yesterday and it really reinstilled my faith in humanity. It both took them 40 years but they finally found one another and they still couldn’t be more in love. Their happiness radiated from them like sunshine and despite some devastating health problems, they seemed more concerned with spreading comfort, joy, and love than fear or stagnation. I felt warm just being in the company of such genuinely sincere people. This is how I’d like to raise my children one day.

    I ramble. I know. So, on to the food we go!

    photo 1Salted Caramel Cupcakes to turn that frown upside down ;)

    2F854C73-1DF9-4876-8075-358C51E9E4DFKale egg drop soup I made for breakfast.

    3EFE3868-2E68-4F3C-86EB-13B2640454D5Pud Khana for lunch.

    photo 3Kartoffelpuffer for dinner.

    and a BIG surprise!

    photo 4My very first pair of diamond earrings! I think I literally slam dunked my CZ’s at the bottom of my bag and shook my head profusely to make them sparkle, haha.

    The universe is a funny thing. As I went through this week, I was approached by two strangers who whispered encouragement in my ear and a new friend came into my life who just had all the right things to say at the very right moment.

    I am blessed.

    …and you are too.

    Sparkling like a diamond,

    Your Squishy Monster ^.~


  2. Tidbits

    July 18, 2012 by The Squishy Monster

    Yesterday was a particularly special day because I got to see my cousin I never get to see.  He’s a “big boy” now, 7 years old and fiercely independent but he’ll still ask you to play hide and seek with him, pleading with his shining eyes, making you forget all about your laundry list of errands.

    It’s as if the universe sent me a present to alleviate me of my thoughts, even if for a little while.  I sat there, watching him play his Pokemon, stealing kisses whenever I could.  He always asks me, “Why do you love me so much?”  To which I always tell him, “Because you are so handsome, so smart, so funny, and so very sweet.”  It made my heart happy to see him laugh and play.

    I had another panic attack yesterday.  I feel much better today.  ^This picture makes me smile.

    Often times, it’s the simplest things that make me smile.

    Like this…

    I snapped this when my friend pulled over for a sec during our road trip last month.  I think it’s somewhere in Virgina and the sky looked so blue and the wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man gets me every time.

    or this…

    They remind me of The Goodfeathers from Animaniacs…like they’re talking to each other, lol.

    OR…

    My friend’s cat Dennis who insists on sleeping on this box, like the floor is dirty or something HAHA.

    I hope that everyone enjoyed their weekend.  I’m taking things slow today.  I should have a video up by the weekend.

    I love you guys!

    XOXO

    Your Squishy Monster ;)

     


  3. Brokenness…unlike the delicious peanut brittle kind

    June 25, 2012 by The Squishy Monster

    I had a fabulous weekend. I ate good food, dodged a treacherous camping trip, watched a movie, reconnected with old friends, and got new tires (finally, after 2 months)! However, I don’t know what was so special about this weekend, but I got to chat with so many different people and caught a glimpse into their lives. It’s crazy how different everyone’s lives are. What makes a person tick, what turns a person on, how a person operates or functions…it’s fascinating. I guess that’s why I pursued the human condition in university. I talked to a man who wanted for nothing from the material world but inside, was so desperately lonely. Wealth bought him an abundance of shiny things but no one to scuff them up with. He is afraid that no one really knows him or if they really even like him for him. Money intimidated those around him and no one would speak the truth and so to combat the loneliness, he shrouded himself with tiny monuments and pillars of gold. Another woman is sucking the precious marrow from her husbands bones and is laughing about it and from the outside, it all looked so sparkling. It was the American dream to desire. White picket fence, 2.5 kids, even a golf course for dad, a sports car for mom and an electric scooter for the littlest one. It wouldn’t be something (gorgeous show kitchen aside) I’d be so quick to cast into the gutter in my mid-30′s (there are children to consider!) but somehow, a youthful spirit that is free to roam like a nomad is what the mom is chasing after instead while the faces of her little ones dim by the minute. My school advisers always told me before I graduated that even if you’re qualified, it will always seem like a potential employer will ask to see that one thing you don’t have. Maybe life is like that. You’re fine, fine, fine, and then someone comes around and tells you that you’re lacking something and so spurs the pursuit of a standard of happiness that was arbitrarily set in the first place. Are people broken because they’re told by others or by themselves that the exclusion of one thing or another brings about unhappiness? Is it like the holy grail or philosopher’s stone? Does a unsuccessful scavenger hunt lead to brittle bones and ultimately lead to brokenness? Someone also told me this weekend that life was too long. I mean, I guess it could be? To me, it’s too short. No sense in chasing after a cup or a stone that may or may not be there, be happy with the gifts you’ve been given. To wish you were something else is squandering what you already are. Now, before you dub me as “too preachy,” consider this: there are days that are difficult for all of us, sometimes I can’t even leave the house because my anxiety is so gripping but you must take that first step (both figuratively and literally). Why dwell on unhappiness? Why not strive to be happy? I get messages all the time, some tinged with slight annoyance about how upbeat and perky I am. I’m no energizer bunny but to allow negativity to fester and bleed is to accept the invitation for your soul to begin to atrophy and eventually die. The movie I watched this weekend was Seeking a Friend for the End of the World, now you may watch it and think it’s crap or that it’s the best thing ever but for me, it was good. I certainly wasn’t regretting the purchase price of the ticket but wasn’t jumping up and down in my seat either but it did outline what one might do when faced with impending doom, i.e. the Apocalypse. Some people pillage and wreck havoc, others adopt a sudden hedonist lifestyle, others rock back and forth with regret and drown in tears…whether you believe in God or an afterlife, wouldn’t you want to spend your last moments with the people you love? Even if imminent death isn’t present, why shouldn’t you live life like that? The sex and drugs I get, even the sobs, but the pillaging I don’t so why pillage your own life (in a sense). The joker said, “some men just want to watch the world burn.” Now really, where’s the sense in that? It’s true but completely nonsensical in my book. Burn it all and you have nothing left. Friend #1 has no one to love, friend #2 wants to push away those that do love her, in either case, it isn’t a Ferrari nor is it a new found sense of youth that matters in the end so stop stressing, my friends and enjoy the gifts you have and the people in your life because this little Squishy Monster really believes that’s what matters most.


  4. 3 Things Thursday

    May 31, 2012 by The Squishy Monster

    Last nights dinner:

    I hovered over the Asparagus stand for (I kid you not), 15 minutes admiring the different colored stalks of one of me and baby brother’s favorite veggie.

    Did you know that Green Asparagus is considered to be the “healthiest?”

    Multiple stares later, I finally decided on the sweeter, purple variety.

    and 2 days ago, I received an email asking me why I was so happy all the time.  S/he has obviously never read some of my other entries.  Life isn’t easy.  Anyone who claims it’s easy is probably lying.  You’ve just gotta keep pushing forward!  The alternative is to remain stagnant and then, where would you be?  No where, that’s where.  Sometimes, it’s very easy to forget that you are loved.  You’re loved more than you know.  I for one, love you.  I really, really do.  Chicken-soup and extra sharp cheesiness aside, I mean it!  For the record, I am not happy 24/7, nor am I perfect (like ever, ever, ever).  Some research studies have indicated that social media outlets like Facebook have been linked to impacting depression.  Maybe, maybe not but what it certainly does is present a very skewed tale comprised of happy smiles and pleasant, uninterrupted lives dotted with the perfect girlfriend, car, etc.  Nobody is posting images of the tiny mountain of tissues that blotted your river of tears not 2 hours before, littering the corner of their room or sharing their most embarrassing moment of the day (maybe).  Today, mine was dropping my purse and its entire contents at the coffee shop this morning.  Lip gloss, phone, tampons, and all and then, to make matters worse, I accidentally mooned everyone when I bent down to clumsily grab for things (I curse you dryer for shrinking my clothes and not fitting correctly until mid afternoon when I’ve finally worn them in)!  :/  …but you roll with the punches and hopefully, it’s mini episodes like that to contribute to your most entertaining  memoir later on in life ;)

    Soup & Cheese…

    Love,

    Your Squishy Monster

     


  5. Just one of those days…

    February 15, 2012 by The Squishy Monster

    Ever have one of those days?  I try not to let it get to me but such a sneaky bastard he is (the one named Melancholy).  I know I am greatly blessed to be alive and healthy and I try not to allow the guilt of feeling blue once in awhile suffocate me but I’m sure most people can relate (or at least I hope so).

    I know that tomorrow morning, I’ve got a new chance.  It’s funny because driving this morning, a billboard told me (lol–yes “told me” bc apparently, when I’m sad, inanimate objects converse with me) “Life is a Mirror, Smile and it Smiles back at you.”

    Now, no worries because it wasn’t caused by one specific thing.  It’s just one of those days.  You guys actually make me so incredibly happy.  I read every single comment and appreciate every single one of y’all!

    Additionally, I’ve got this to help:

    I love you guys <3

    Your Squishy Monster


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    Welcome to The Squishy Monster!

    Here, I'll share the stories of my on going love affair with food as well as step-by-step tutorials/cooking videos featuring original recipes. I'm a firm believer that despite our differences, our one commonality as humans? Food.
    I'm 100% Southern & 100% Korean. My name is Angela and my friends call me The Squishy Monster.

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